Page last reviewed June 2023

How to have safe and fun anal sex for the first time

How to have safe, fun anal sex for the first time

Are you thinking about having anal sex, but not sure where to start? You’re not alone — it’s estimated that around one in three women have tried it at least once.1

But while anal sex can be very pleasurable, there are a few things it’s important to keep in mind if you’ve never done it before.

Anal sex refers to any type of sexual activity where the anus is penetrated. It can involve fingers, a sex toy, or a penis. People of any identity and gender can (and do!) enjoy anal sex.

For people with penises, anal penetration can stimulate the prostate gland (an internal small organ around the bladder) which can cause orgasm, while people with vaginas may orgasm from stimulation to a G-spot near the anal area.

However, not everyone will orgasm from this activity, and if they do, it won’t necessarily happen every time. But orgasm doesn’t need to be the “goal” — as with any sexual activity, what’s important is that you enjoy yourself.

What you should do beforehand

Have the chat

First, you should talk to your sexual partner and let them know that you want to try anal sex before anyone is aroused. Talk about it as something you’ll do and enjoy together, and give them the space to say how they’re feeling too. They might have tried it before or never thought of it, so it’s important to be open and honest.

Only try new experiences if you feel ready and safe. Even if you agree initially, you can change your mind

This is also the part where you both give consent: you agree enthusiastically that you want to go ahead, without feeling pressured into doing so. Only try new experiences if you feel ready and safe. Even if you agree initially, you can change your mind — “no” always means that you should stop.

Here, it might also be helpful to discuss what you are and aren’t willing to do (and what you are and aren’t excited about) before you begin.

Playing safe

You can get STIs from anal sex, so it’s important to play safe. For example, herpes, hepatitis A and B, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and syphilis can all be transmitted through anal play. The risk of contracting HIV from a positive partner is also slightly higher with anal than from penis-in-vagina sex.2 You can get medicine called pre-exposure prophylaxis (PreP) from your doctor if you’re at risk of HIV or are concerned about being exposed to it.

Using barrier protection, like external condoms (sometimes called male condoms) or dental dams (plastic protection for oral sex) can help prevent the spread of infection, even if there isn’t penetration.

If you have any genital sores, avoid sex until these are clear as this may be genital herpes

You don’t need any different shaped or thicker condoms for anal sex.3

If you have any genital sores, avoid sex until these are clear as this may be genital herpes which is easily transmitted by contact.

Plus, there is normal healthy bacteria around the anus which can cause infections to other areas. So, when switching between anal or vaginal penetration with a penis, fingering, or toys, it’s important to wash your hands with soap and get a new condom each time.

How to get started

Start slow…and slippery

Get things going gently by starting with some outerplay (any type of sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration). This could be kissing, rubbing, or even touching around the anal area with clean hands and neat nails (no rough edges) as this could cause scratches around the sensitive area.

Next: lube. Use either water or silicon-based lube on the condom after putting it on the penis or toy. Avoid oil-based lubricants as they can cause condoms to rip. The anus has minimal natural lubricant and using lube with condoms helps prevent breakage.4

Not all sex toys are suitable for anal penetration, so make sure you get yours from a reputable sex shop and that they’re specifically for this type of play

If you’re going to use a toy, like anal dildos, plugs, beads, or prostate toys, be sure to cover it with a condom. Not all sex toys are suitable for anal penetration, so make sure you get yours from a reputable sex shop and that they’re specifically for this type of play. Things can get stuck up there, and if this happens, it requires urgent medical care to remove it.

You don’t need to use laxatives or numbing cream ahead of time, nor do you need to douche. But some prefer to clean the area with water before starting.

Going in

When you’re ready to try penetration, use a generous amount of lube on the penis and around the anus. Start by penetrating the anus a little bit, pull out completely, then penetrate again but go in a little deeper. If you feel good, you can keep going until the penis or toy is inside, or repeat the above as you wish.

Anal sex should never hurt, so check in regularly with your partner to make sure you’re both okay and enjoying yourselves.

Any position is okay – just find whichever feels most comfortable. You might want to start with doggy style which is when one partner is on their hands and knees and is penetrated from behind.

Most nerve endings for the anus are around the entrance, so even shallow penetration can bring on pleasure

There are also plenty of other positions for you to explore once you get the hang of it, like being penetrated from behind while spooning, cowgirl position (being penetrated while sitting on your partner) and sitting on your partner’s lap.

Most nerve endings for the anus are around the entrance, so even shallow penetration can bring on pleasure.

Will I poo?

It’s normal for there to be traces of faeces on your toys or partner’s penis, but rest assured that it’s very unlikely you’ll defecate mid-play.

Your bowel movements are regulated by two strong bands of muscles in the anus – the internal and external anal sphincter. Defecation is triggered when the stretch receptors in the rectum (higher up) are, well, stretched, because faeces have built up inside there. But for the bowel to open there needs to be a voluntary relaxation of the external anal sphincter.

What should happen afterwards?

After you’ve finished, you should wash your hands with soap and throw any condoms you’ve used in the bin, wrapping them in a tissue first.

You don’t need to empty your bowels after intercourse (even if your partner ejaculates) but some people opt for a shower or wipe afterwards.

If you notice any discharge, pain, lumps, or bleeding afterwards, see your doctor to rule out STIs, anal tears, or fissures.

Your doctor will have seen and heard it all before, so there’s no need to feel embarrassed about anything you tell them. Even if their questions seem personal, they are only trying to figure out how best to help you. Most STIs are treatable when diagnosed early so it’s super important you get checked out if you think something might be wrong.

And if you try it and find it’s not your cup of tea, that’s okay. Anal sex is just one of the many ways for us to experience intimacy and pleasure.
 
 
Featured image is an illustration of someone in their underwear, with their back turned so that their bottom is the focus of the frame. They are wearing black underwear and have a long, black braid
 
 
Page last updated June 2023
Next update due 2026

Are you thinking about having anal sex, but not sure where to start? You’re not alone — it’s estimated that around one in three women have tried it at least once.1

But while anal sex can be very pleasurable, there are a few things it’s important to keep in mind if you’ve never done it before.

Anal sex refers to any type of sexual activity where the anus is penetrated. It can involve fingers, a sex toy, or a penis. People of any identity and gender can (and do!) enjoy anal sex.

For people with penises, anal penetration can stimulate the prostate gland (an internal small organ around the bladder) which can cause orgasm, while people with vaginas may orgasm from stimulation to a G-spot near the anal area.

However, not everyone will orgasm from this activity, and if they do, it won’t necessarily happen every time. But orgasm doesn’t need to be the “goal” — as with any sexual activity, what’s important is that you enjoy yourself.

What you should do beforehand

Have the chat

First, you should talk to your sexual partner and let them know that you want to try anal sex before anyone is aroused. Talk about it as something you’ll do and enjoy together, and give them the space to say how they’re feeling too. They might have tried it before or never thought of it, so it’s important to be open and honest.

Only try new experiences if you feel ready and safe. Even if you agree initially, you can change your mind

This is also the part where you both give consent: you agree enthusiastically that you want to go ahead, without feeling pressured into doing so. Only try new experiences if you feel ready and safe. Even if you agree initially, you can change your mind — “no” always means that you should stop.

Here, it might also be helpful to discuss what you are and aren’t willing to do (and what you are and aren’t excited about) before you begin.

Playing safe

You can get STIs from anal sex, so it’s important to play safe. For example, herpes, hepatitis A and B, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and syphilis can all be transmitted through anal play. The risk of contracting HIV from a positive partner is also slightly higher with anal than from penis-in-vagina sex.2 You can get medicine called pre-exposure prophylaxis (PreP) from your doctor if you’re at risk of HIV or are concerned about being exposed to it.

Using barrier protection, like external condoms (sometimes called male condoms) or dental dams (plastic protection for oral sex) can help prevent the spread of infection, even if there isn’t penetration.

If you have any genital sores, avoid sex until these are clear as this may be genital herpes

You don’t need any different shaped or thicker condoms for anal sex.3

If you have any genital sores, avoid sex until these are clear as this may be genital herpes which is easily transmitted by contact.

Plus, there is normal healthy bacteria around the anus which can cause infections to other areas. So, when switching between anal or vaginal penetration with a penis, fingering, or toys, it’s important to wash your hands with soap and get a new condom each time.

How to get started

Start slow…and slippery

Get things going gently by starting with some outerplay (any type of sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration). This could be kissing, rubbing, or even touching around the anal area with clean hands and neat nails (no rough edges) as this could cause scratches around the sensitive area.

Next: lube. Use either water or silicon-based lube on the condom after putting it on the penis or toy. Avoid oil-based lubricants as they can cause condoms to rip. The anus has minimal natural lubricant and using lube with condoms helps prevent breakage.4

Not all sex toys are suitable for anal penetration, so make sure you get yours from a reputable sex shop and that they’re specifically for this type of play

If you’re going to use a toy, like anal dildos, plugs, beads, or prostate toys, be sure to cover it with a condom. Not all sex toys are suitable for anal penetration, so make sure you get yours from a reputable sex shop and that they’re specifically for this type of play. Things can get stuck up there, and if this happens, it requires urgent medical care to remove it.

You don’t need to use laxatives or numbing cream ahead of time, nor do you need to douche. But some prefer to clean the area with water before starting.

Going in

When you’re ready to try penetration, use a generous amount of lube on the penis and around the anus. Start by penetrating the anus a little bit, pull out completely, then penetrate again but go in a little deeper. If you feel good, you can keep going until the penis or toy is inside, or repeat the above as you wish.

Anal sex should never hurt, so check in regularly with your partner to make sure you’re both okay and enjoying yourselves.

Any position is okay – just find whichever feels most comfortable. You might want to start with doggy style which is when one partner is on their hands and knees and is penetrated from behind.

Most nerve endings for the anus are around the entrance, so even shallow penetration can bring on pleasure

There are also plenty of other positions for you to explore once you get the hang of it, like being penetrated from behind while spooning, cowgirl position (being penetrated while sitting on your partner) and sitting on your partner’s lap.

Most nerve endings for the anus are around the entrance, so even shallow penetration can bring on pleasure.

Will I poo?

It’s normal for there to be traces of faeces on your toys or partner’s penis, but rest assured that it’s very unlikely you’ll defecate mid-play.

Your bowel movements are regulated by two strong bands of muscles in the anus – the internal and external anal sphincter. Defecation is triggered when the stretch receptors in the rectum (higher up) are, well, stretched, because faeces have built up inside there. But for the bowel to open there needs to be a voluntary relaxation of the external anal sphincter.

What should happen afterwards?

After you’ve finished, you should wash your hands with soap and throw any condoms you’ve used in the bin, wrapping them in a tissue first.

You don’t need to empty your bowels after intercourse (even if your partner ejaculates) but some people opt for a shower or wipe afterwards.

If you notice any discharge, pain, lumps, or bleeding afterwards, see your doctor to rule out STIs, anal tears, or fissures.

Your doctor will have seen and heard it all before, so there’s no need to feel embarrassed about anything you tell them. Even if their questions seem personal, they are only trying to figure out how best to help you. Most STIs are treatable when diagnosed early so it’s super important you get checked out if you think something might be wrong.

And if you try it and find it’s not your cup of tea, that’s okay. Anal sex is just one of the many ways for us to experience intimacy and pleasure.
 
 
Featured image is an illustration of someone in their underwear, with their back turned so that their bottom is the focus of the frame. They are wearing black underwear and have a long, black braid
 
 
Page last updated June 2023
Next update due 2026

Dr. Stephanie Dawson (MBBS, FRACGP, DCH)

Dr. Stephanie Dawson is a general practitioner with a special interest in sexual and reproductive health.  She has completed additional training with a Certificate in Reproductive and Sexual Health.  She believes in empowering patients to make educated choices for their health.

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References

  1. Roberts, H., et al., Age, sex, and other demographic trends in sexual behaviour in the United States: initial findings of the sexual behaviours, internet use, and psychological adjustment survey, PLoS One, 2021, vol 16, no 8: e0255371
  2. Maidstone and Tunbridge Wells NHS Trust, Information for people who have been exposed to HIV infection following sexual and non sexual exposure, Patient leaflet, NHS, July 2012 [online] [accessed 12 June 2023]
  3. FSRH, Clinical guideline: Barrier methods for contraception and STI prevention, Faculty of Sexual and Reproductive Health, October 2015 [online] [accessed 12 June 2023]
  4. Ibid